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The holidays can be a difficult time- especially if you’re going through infertility.
You likely feel a slew of emotions as you go through each day with no shortage of triggers- a pregnant woman at a register, someone complaining about their children, kids crying or giggling in the next shopping aisle.
And then there’re the family gatherings. Seeing relatives show off their pregnant bellies or babies in the cutest Christmas outfits.
Worse yet, the random relative asks when you’re going to have a baby or offers unhelpful unsolicited advice that makes you grind your teeth and remind yourself why punching people is not a good idea.
While the comments may be from someone who means well, the best of intentions don’t stop these comments from stabbing down to your very soul.
Maybe you’ve been trying for years now and have even imagined announcing your own pregnancy this Christmas.
It’s such a cycle of ups and downs- the hope that this is the month and the bottomless pits of despair when your dreams come crashing down with a wave of immobilizing cramps.
I’ve been there. Too many times.
If you’re going through this too I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve it and it’s not fair.
Especially during the holidays, but really always, try to be gentle with yourself. This is a tough journey and you will find that you are so much stronger than you even realize.
With all that said, let’s get into my tips for getting through the holidays while dealing with infertility.
1. Say no.
No.
It’s a complete sentence and it is a complete answer.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for turning down an invitation or not going to some event.
You don’t have to put yourself in a position that’s going to make you stressed or upset. If you know that 3 of your cousins are pregnant and all are going to be at the family shindig you can gracefully decline.
You are an adult with a life and you do not owe anyone an explanation. Even if you decide an hour before to not go, a simple “something came up” should be enough. You get to set your boundaries.
Your peace of mind is important here. You’re playing the long game and are in it to win.
2. Prepare Responses.
If you know crazy Aunt Martha is going to ask or give you a hard time, and you really can’t get away, plan ahead what you’re comfortable saying in advance.
I do this all the time and don’t often need these planned responses.
If you’re going with someone you trust, let them know about your concerns and ask them to run interference for you. They can change the subject and help keep conversations on more comfortable topics.
3. Social Media Detox.
Christmas is the time of engagements and baby announcements. Every year there are so many.
It’s also a great time to take a break from social media and go offline.
You can make a post that you’re going to be offline for a couple of weeks, or just delete those apps from your phone. You can always add them back later.
Notice what you spend your time on when you’re not scrolling through those social feeds. How do you feel?
If you have to be online due to your job then take advantage of those unfollow options. You don’t need to be inundated. Instead, create social feeds that inspire you and are uplifting for you.
If you’re in a really good headspace and choose to look at someone’s baby announcement, take a moment to pretend that everyone’s ‘congratulations’ comments are for you. Get into the feeling of your happy announcement. #actasif #lawofattraction
4. You Time.
Spend some time pampering yourself or doing anything you like to de-stress.
What feels like luxurious self-care to you?
Some examples:
Meditating
Baking
Exercising
Reading
Watching Hallmark movies
Watching your favorite Christmas movies
Painting
Set your phone aside and be completely present in your ‘me time’ activities.
5. Quality Time w/ Hubby.
Infertility during the holidays can lead to crying, anger, and snapping at your spouse. But it’s really a great time to connect and enjoy each other’s company.
And just because you get married doesn’t mean you have to stop dating your man.
Take advantage of your alone time while you have it and plan some fun adults-only activities.
You could:
Re-create your first date.
Go ice skating.
Go axe throwing.
Take a dance class.
Go to a piano bar.
Go to a really nice brunch restaurant.
Enjoy a weekend get-away.
Go to a Christmas Light Festival.
Enjoy an at home date night.
Related: 15 At-Home Date Night Ideas
Related: 13 Awesome Birthday Activities for Your Husband
Bonus Tip for Coping with Infertility During the Holidays:
What do you do with all those holiday cards featuring kids of friends and family?
You don’t have to display them. Your home should be a sanctuary where you can totally relax. If displaying cards draws yucky feelings you have a few options.
- Toss them. You don’t have to keep them at all. If it makes you feel better you can even rip them up.
- Create a booklet by punching a hole in the corner of each card and adding it to a large binder ring.
- Place them in a card box.
Enjoy Your Time Despite Infertility During the Holidays
I hope these tips help you through this season. I know it can feel so isolating, but you really are not alone. You’re basically part of a semi-secret club that no one wanted to join, but here we all are.
But his situation does not define you.
You are strong and capable. You’re already a wonderful mom because you are doing everything you can to bring your baby to you.
You are allowed to be happy and enjoy the holidays.
So dance like no one’s watching, make out with your hubby, and celebrate your beautiful life this holiday season.
Merry Christmas & Magical Baby Dust!
Hi, my name is Katy. I started this blog to help you infuse life with ease and joy by sharing recipes and tips for your fertility and lifestyle.
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