4 Signs You Need to Work On Your Mindset for Fertility

If you’ve been trying to conceive for a while, you may find that it gets challenging to keep a positive mindset. Today we’re going to look at a few signs you need to work on your mindset for fertility and ways that you can start to shift your mindset.

If you’ve been wondering how to keep hope and stop stressing about infertility then you’re in the right place. This post will help you learn how to get back to a positive mindset for fertility.

1. You feel like a fraud walking in the baby aisle of stores.

It can feel cringy going into Target’s baby aisle when you feel that emptiness and longing for your own baby. 

Maybe you grimace seeing all the items you want to get for your own miracle baby, but you feel like you can’t right now. Like it’s a lie.

Who are you to be looking at baby clothes?

The Truth is that you ARE expecting a baby. Just because you aren’t pregnant yet, doesn’t mean you aren’t expecting. 

You’re planning on having a baby, right?

It’s on your radar and you’ve been taking the necessary steps.

You’re taking prenatal vitamins, not using protection, and talking to your medical peeps. You’re on the path, babe.

So even though you’re pre-pregnant, can you see that you are expecting a baby?

Actively trying means that you are expecting.

Maybe you’re worried about seeing someone you know and rumors will start. If needed, just say you need a gift for a friend or coworker. 

You don’t owe them an explanation, but having a simple one ready to go can provide comfort for my fellow planners.

2. You fixate on the negatives instead of the progress and wins on your journey.

I think it was Roseanne Austin who says to not make your period or setbacks on this journey mean more than they are. 

What thoughts come up when you get your period?

Why me? It’s never going to happen. This sucks! A string of curse words?

What does it actually mean though?

It means not now, okay, but it doesn’t mean never.

It means that you haven’t hit menopause, so that’s wonderful! You’re still in the game!

Your period is also a time to check in on your health. Notice the quality- what is the consistency? Are you clotting? How long does your period last? How severe are cramps?

Jot down any symptoms. That’s valuable information to track. 

If you’ve been tracking symptoms do you notice any improvements? Did you do something differently that month that had a positive impact?

Maybe practicing yoga or cutting out excess sugar has resulted in fewer cramps.

That’s definite progress and worth celebrating.

Take a few minutes to jot down any progress and wins that you’ve experienced. 

RELATED READING: Best Fertility Books

3. You expect calls from your doctor’s office to be bad news.

I got to the point where I would cringe whenever I saw their number flash on my phone screen. It would cause such anxiety.

Most times I would leave appointments with my first RE (reproductive endocrinologist) in tears. It seemed like with each appointment he would tell me something else that was wrong with my body. And that can be pretty traumatic.

So what can help?

1. Listening to music that makes you happy. I actually created a playlist of music that helps inspire me and believe in myself and my babies that you can listen to here.
2. EFT Tapping. This involves tapping on specific points of the body while acknowledging your fears but loving yourself through them.
3. You can also tap while saying affirmations. The first few times I tried tapping it didn’t do much for me, but with regular practice, I’ve found it to help reduce stress and anxiety.
4. Journaling. I’ve found that writing out what’s on my mind and just getting it out helps me to process fears and negative emotions. By getting them out of my head it’s like I don’t have to keep agonizing over them. I don’t actually journal every day, just when I feel inclined to do so.

The other thing that’s been helpful for me is my new IVF clinic has a texting system in place. I also have a dedicated nurse to communicate with whenever I have questions, to message when CD1 starts- all of that. She can then message me with answers, test results, and the next steps.

This has reduced anxiety about waiting for someone to call me back, then missing the call, and getting a message to ‘call them back’ only to wait for another call. Basically the least-fun version of phone tag.

4. You Resent Other’s Success

This is a juicy one. Jealousy is quite the thing, isn’t it?

And I know you’ve probably felt loads of it on this journey and then chastise yourself because you shouldn’t feel so resentful.

But here’s the thing. It’s not always bad.

Whaaa?!

You heard, er, read that right. 

Jealousy might not feel good, and I wouldn’t encourage you to not deal with the emotions that arise, but it can provide some valuable insight.

So let’s see if we can shift your perspective when jealousy arises.

It’s totally normal to spiral to ingrained negative thoughts (you’ve been practicing them, after all). But it’s better if you can change that spiral. Detour it.

The first thing to recognize is that jealousy helps you to identify what you want.

You can’t ask God or the universe for what you want if you don’t know what you want. Just like you can’t ask a waiter for the dish you want if you don’t decide.

When you notice yourself going down a negative spiral take a beat to recognize it as confirmation. 

“Yea, I still want that.”

You’ve confirmed your desire.

Next, you can work on shifting your resentment.

RELATED READING: Music for Manifesting Pregnancy

Why does this matter?

Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) bridges your conscious and subconscious mind. It filters all of the info your brain brings in to shine a spotlight on the things you’ve deemed important.

For example, if you decide you want a Tesla, whenever you’re out and about you’ll start to notice Teslas everywhere.

How does this apply to fertility?

It’s part of how we self-sabotage.

We’ve deemed pregnancy as important so our RAS gets to work noticing more and more pregnancies.

This could be pregnant women, print images like magazine covers, maternity clothes, baby ads in your inbox, or pregnancy announcements on social media.

When your RAS notices pregnant women all around how do you respond?

Do you want to scream and cry or punch something? Do you feel angry? Sad? Frustrated? Envious?

Me too.

But it serves us better to change that. 

Because by getting worked up we’re giving our body mixed signals. 

We say pregnancy is important, but when our RAS notices pregnancies we get angry and sad, which tells our body that pregnancy is bad.

Can you see how we’re keeping our bodies stuck in that confusion? Your body is designed to protect you. 

That triggered response tells the universe that we don’t want it! Pregnancy is bad and should be avoided. 

If you’ve been TTC for a long time you may have some really strong emotions built up.

I’m not saying to not feel that way ever. You need to deal with those emotions so they don’t fester, grow, and become bitter.

When one of these situations arises take a beat to just notice. What is that instant emotion you feel? Be an observer.

Then try to identify why you’re feeling that way.

For example:

You see a pregnant woman at Target.

You feel sad and angry. Your stomach twists and your throat constricts.

Take a breath and step back.

Ask yourself: What am I feeling? 

Check your emotions and do a body scan. 

Where do you feel the tension in your body?

Then ask, “why are those feelings coming up?”

It’s because I want to be pregnant and feel left out. I feel behind where I should be.

Whatever comes up for you, make a note of it. Those fears or reasons can be used for your own tapping (EFT) script to help you process and release them.

Now that you’re starting to understand your emotions rather than just experiencing you can start to shift them.

As Louise Hay said, “It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.”

Identify some thoughts you’d prefer. Ones that will tell your body yes, more of that, please!

Thoughts you can choose when you see or hear of someone’s pregnancy. Thoughts that align with and support your own success.

Here are some examples:

“That means I’m pregnant too!”

“Oh, it’s a sign that my pregnancy is on the way!”

“That means my pregnancy will be confirmed soon!”

Take it further

When you feel up to it, if you see someone’s announcement on social look at the comments and pretend that they’re all for you.

Say ‘thank you’ as you read each one.

Maintaining a positive mindset for fertility while on a long journey of trying to conceive can be difficult, but there are ways to encourage yourself and move forward with confidence.

Remember, if you feel like a fraud while looking at baby gear, actively trying to conceive means you ARE expecting a baby.

Use unwanted emotions like jealousy as a catalyst to recognize what you want and shift your perspective when needed. Thank your reticular activating system (RAS) for noticing your desires and reminding you that those desires are on their way.

If you’d like some great books to help with your fertility and mindset then be sure to check out this post next. It includes the books that I’ve found most helpful in navigating my own journey. 

I also have a collection of affirmation posts for fertility from egg quality to embryo transfer and pregnancy. Some of these are included in my affirmation coloring books for fertility, embryo transfer, and pregnancy which are all available on Amazon. 

I even have a fertility affirmation deck available on the Deckible app, which will give you some positive support on the go.

Cultivating a fertility mindset can help you to be more prepared to receive your miracle baby. 

As Louise Hay said, “It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.”

Use your thoughts to create a positive fertility mindset and watch your miracle unfold. 

Sending you loads of baby dust!